Jesus in the Olympics

What if Jesus was in the Olympics?  Think about it.  It might go like this:

Jesus barely passed his drug test to get into the Olympic games because even though he was accused by some of being high a few nights before the test the results seemed to be a false positive.  Some said the high came from some wine he consumed but the only thing found in his room were some bottles of water.  Some others were overheard commenting, "But you can't believe what he can do with water if given a chance."

The "water to wine" thing is of no use since there is not a competition in that field although if there was one it seems that Jesus would sure have the edge.  Anyway back to the actual competition.

Jesus passed the time trials to get to the finals.  His first trial came in the "Temptation" contest.  He was matched against a former champion from the Evil Empire.  Many were worried that Jesus would not complete the contest because he refused to eat for forty days before the actual event.  Unlike the horse jumping going on down the venue, Jesus had to "overcome" three obstacles.

The Evil Empire contestant knowing full well of Jesus ability to do the water to wine thing put before him the chance to turn stones into bread.  The odds makers were pretty sure he could do it but Jesus refused on grounds that he did not need magic to win the contest.

Next came the platform diving competition but this time it was not in the pool of water that other contestants were accustomed to but from the pinnacle of the Temple.  The Evil Empire guy offered Jesus  the opportunity to do a three and half cut-away with a twist in the pike position.  Jesus whispered something like, "That would be a piece of cake but sine I did not even make the bread a few moments ago I'll pass on the cake."  Jesus then walked away from the platform again disappointing his adversary.

Next came the final trial before the big event.  The Evil Empire captain offered Jesus a gold medal without ever even competing.  The only catch was the Jesus would have to defect to the Evil Empire.  The captain of the Evil Empire team then showed Jesus how he would be greeted with a ticker-tape parade back home in the Empire if only he would go ahead and take the medal thus avoiding all the upcoming demands of a grueling competition.

Jesus held the medal in his hand as it glistened in the noonday sun.  He smiled and handed it back to the captain and simply said something like, "Not today my worthy opponent; not today and not ever."

So Jesus wins his first preliminary heat.  Now it is time for the real events.  He has to hurriedly recruit a team but word has it that all the first round picks are long gone.  He will have to pick from the left overs.

His chances of winning the gold in the the area of Religious Truth seems almost impossible.  At least he has the consolation that he won a medal in the Temptation contest.

The captain of the Evil Empire team was overheard saying as he walked away, "Just you wait and see.  He will loose in the end.  His team will never come through and I know the judges.  His scores will be so low there will be no more medals in his future."

Reporters could not find Jesus for an interview.  Someone said that he went to talk things over with his Dad but others said that his father was not supposed to even show up at the Olympics.  Only time will tell.  Meanwhile according to the schedule Jesus is next up to compete in the Love Marathon.  Many think he does not have a chance especially with the kind of diet he often follows.  Others say he has a real chance since the route of the race goes next to a large body of water.  He has been known to run not by it but across it thus saving a good deal of time.